Dress in drag and do the Hula
by lexicalsanctuary
Summary: Mwahahahahaha! This'll teach you to die without me telling you to! YOU DIE ONLY WHEN I TELL YOU TO. Yes, more crack, but this time for inFAMOUS. Cole will suffer. I might add more to this eventually.
1. Never ever again

Author's Note: Okay. There is a reason. Really, I swear. Okay, so I've been playing inFAMOUS. I got hooked on killing Cole (jump off a bridge and he sizzles and dies in the water. AWESOME.) when I played the demo at my friend's work. Then her friend bought her the game. After doing nothing but jumping off the bridge, I decided to try and get further in the game, which I did, and it was fun, up until Cole kept dying without my permission. Yes, you little fucker, I control when you die, not you. I got frustrated and threatened everyone's balls with a corkscrew until my friend looked up inFAMOUS on FanFic and saw that there was only really one fanfic for it and mentioned that I could write some crack. As I was sitting down to the computer, she mentioned Lion King (specifically, she started singing the song Timon sings around the time he says 'dress in drag and do the hula.') and here we are.

_Okay, this was a first._ Cole stared at his reflection, one eyebrow raised in utter confusion. Apparently, he didn't handle his liquor as well as he thought. Somehow, after the all night drinking binge with Zeke, he ended up in a teddy. A red, lacey, sheer mother-fucking teddy. _Fuck._

"Zeke…" Silence, "Zeke…" Sparks sizzled between his fingers. _Fuck._

The Fat Man rolled over in his sleep, mumbling, "…Hey, baby…Come back to bed…Daddy wants some sugar…" Lightening shot from his hands, hitting the TV, glass spraying across the room.

"Zeke. Wake the FUCK up," Zeke twitched awake, blinking blearily at his  
"friend."

"What?" Zeke rubbed his face, forcing himself a little more awake.

Cole flexed his hands, words completely escaping him, murderous rage radiating from him. He half flailed, shooting more lightening from his hands, a lamp exploding next to the bed. _Fuck._

"_Why? HOW? WHY?!" FUCK._

Zeke squinted at the get-up, things trying to click in to place. Realization dawned on his face.

"Right, right," The bulbous man nodded his head, apparently having remembered the previous night.

"_WHAT?!_"

"What do you mean 'what'?"

"FUCK. Zeke! I just want to know what the hell happened!"

"You're the one that wanted to do the "hula." I thought you meant the _dance_. I'm not gonna walk straight for a week!" _Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. _"And then you put _that_ on," Zeke gestured at the ensemble. _Oh. GOD._ "And said, and I quote, 'You be the man.'"

Cole twitched, all the lights in the room flashing and exploding, and ripped off the teddy with a roar. He ran buck-ass-naked into the closet, slamming the door, and rummaged around, yanking clothes on at random. Cole burst from the closet, fully clothed, jacket zipped up to his chin, and pointed a shaking finger at Zeke.

"You…You sick FUCK. Stay the HELL away from me," Cole turned and climbed out the window, scrambling across the metal landing. He got barely half-way down the ladder before Zeke popped his head out of the window.

"Hey, baby! Where ya goin'? I thought we'd finish what we started last night." He blasted a shockwave at the window, slipping down the ladder and running like hell.

_No alcohol. Ever, ever again. Ever._

Author's Note: Yes. I did. Take that, you mother-fucking bastard.


	2. Strip Tease

_Author's Note: _

_MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes, I did. And it's a crossover too._

_I'm NOT insane. I SWEAR. They did it. Not me. The fact that I did it first has NOTHING to do with anything. You will see. You will ALL see._

* * *

Cole flew out of the alleyway, knocking down anyone in his way. He dove at a trash can, flinging the contents of his stomach at it violently. Weakly, he pushed himself up, holding on to the garbage receptacle for dear life. His eyes locked onto the little girl staring at him, her hand clinging to her mother's skirt. Slowly, he looked up to the mother, complete disgust etched in to her face as she turned away in a huff, tugging her daughter along. _Fuck._

He stumbled, hitting the side of a car, catching his reflection in the side mirror. With a grimace, he yanked the gaudy clip-ons off his ears, throwing them on the ground. _Fucking hell._ Taking a deep breath, Cole sighed, trying to calm himself. _Don't think about it, it didn't happen. _With another sigh, he turned down an alley, sparks lighting the ground as he stepped through water leaking from a drain pipe.

"Holy _hell_," he winced at the pain in his backside. Clutching his rear, Cole hobbled down the alley. The sound of shoes clicking on the wet pavement drew his attention up. From the shadows approached pink feathered heels, black garters barely covering smoothly shaven thighs, the ruffle hem of a purple teddy flowing delicately over a rather large baby bump. A light breeze lifted the teddy just enough to reveal a matching lacey thong and mussing the man's white hair, blowing it across his face, glowing with the pride of an expectant mother.

"Alex?" Cole backed away instinctively, fear welling in the pit of his stomach. Alex brought his hands up to cradle Cole's face.

"Cole," _Oh God, _"We're pregnant," _Fuck._

* * *

_Author's Note: The only thing I can say in explanation is Jet Fuel fumes and not the kind you put in jets. Oh Gawd. I can't stop giggling insanely. I have to get up at 6 in the morning._

_  
P.S. The title is from what I was originally writing about, but that went to hell._


End file.
